Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
