hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize