Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
50% drunk capacity currently
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
