I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
