I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
