Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
