He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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