god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
