Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
