her facebook's as public as her vagina
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
