They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
