its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
