My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
