The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He has the fingertips of a God
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