I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
