remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
