I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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