The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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