ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
