weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh god it's open bar.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
