Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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