I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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