i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
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you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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