My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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