From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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