I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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