Hippo gnu deer
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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