Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i will never coherently bang her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
