i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
