Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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