He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
