i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
