In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
