Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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