I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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