grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
