either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
