Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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