She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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