Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
