I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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