The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize