Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
