Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
