so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
