'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
