I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
