sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
