Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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