Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
