dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
