New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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