ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
