They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
