he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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