I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
