i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
