and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You made out with two different species that night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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