My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
