1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Houston, we have a squirter
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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