So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
