I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
