mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
