been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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