pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
