ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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