We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
