My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
