come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
