I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"