life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
