So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...