dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize