I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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