just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
