Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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