Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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